Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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