just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
