but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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