turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
