I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
