I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
