i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
