dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Randomize
