I'm drive I can fine osifer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
