yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
