Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
