Can i not drive my cunt home
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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