Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
