the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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