that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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