so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
