so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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