Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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