Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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