HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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