Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
