get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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