so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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