White coat. Heels.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
