They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
