Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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