i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
