:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
