the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
