Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
