So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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