Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
