i barfeds in our rink
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
