Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
