they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
