Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
