Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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