It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
