It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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