after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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