There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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