having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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