dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
