the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
