I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
