Soap is not a condiment
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
