mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
