Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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