Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
