remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He shit in the fireplace
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
