You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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