his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
