You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
