3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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