I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
