Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
