just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
