Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
